Dancing with Shame

Shame is the sense that there is something inherently wrong with you. Shame is the sense that people can see into my insecurities. They can see right beyond the calm exterior I try to present to the world into my sometimes wobbly inner self. Shame is the sense, I am not OK.

We know that shame develops early, very early in life when our needs are not met or met with derision. And shame carries on into adulthood impacting how we care for ourselves and get along in the world. Because, if you think about it, if I am not OK, then what can be done? Why would I take care of me or how would I find the motivation to care for me?

Shame is a core experience of those with addictive behaviors. Substances work to quiet the negative noise. Food often works for those who find themselves feeling vulnerable throughout the day. Food, sugar in particular, can provide safety from the sting of shame in numbness. Refined carbohydrates work too! Large quantities of any food can bring emotional and psychological numbness.

Mindfulness can bring us relief as well. The awareness that I am feeling vulnerable and sensitive is the first step. Once I am aware that “This is one of those days!”, I can be mindful of the food choices I make. I can explore the basis for the feelings. Explorations may suggest I need to apologize for behavior, complete an overdue project, get some exercise, or reach out to a friend. Or like today, I needed to dance it off because even the walk in the park did not shake the negative shadow. I chose to play my favorite high spirited dancing songs and kitchen dance. If you don’t kitchen dance, you gotta give this a try! Turn it up loud and let it out: arms, legs, hips and head – shake it, feel the rhythm and allow the words to sink in. Sing at the top of your lungs. Play the best song again for an encore performance!

We’re only human is playing behind me by Jason Mraz. Now, that guys songs are supportive and joyous. I can’t imagine he has shame attacks but ya never know, maybe he writes positive songs when he’s feeling low. (Love that horn!)

Awareness of shame lurking around is an important first step. Mindful awareness of feelings provides a base, a freedom space for choice. Non-mindfulness can make the feelings stronger and more powerful. We may try to avoid them psychologically but have them calling out just the same. Next step: kindness. Yes, it is time to find extra kindness and a smile toward yourself. Go head try it now – Take a breath and offer yourself a loving smile! Ah, that’s better!

Awareness, kindness and then supportive action. Sometimes at times like this, we’ll choose the comfort food and other times, we choose extra healthy foods to support our sense that we are worth it! I smile to the best part of me. I smile to human core of me. I smile.

JME Affirmation for the Day:

Today I smile! I smile within and without. I smile especially when I do not feel like it because I know that deep within I am a loving, kind and valuable human being. I am loved.