Dealing with Obsession

I recently had a birthday and birthdays mean cake, right? Cake, candles, singing – that’s what birthdays have been since I was little. I even have photos of me and birthday cakes in the high chair. And that’s a LONG time ago!


Well, possibly birthdays used to mean cake. As my birthday neared, I found myself in turmoil over flour, eggs and cheese – a bit crazy, eh? Since birthdays mean cake, I had to figure out how to have cake but still be mindful of my health. First, I went through bargaining. “Well, maybe I can have sugar one time for my birthday” “ I could get one piece of cake at a restaurant and share it with my dinner mates” Then I began plotting which kind of cake I’d get and where to get it. Obsession was setting in.  After writing out all my thinking and plans in an email to a friend, I realized this is CRAZY! For many, if not most folks, having a piece of cake for their birthday is just that. For me, it has the potential to turn into a downhill slide in to sugar again.

So, then I planned to make a sugar free (stevia based) cheesecake for my birthday. This way I could have a celebration cake still remain faithful to caring for myself by not eating sugar. This also started to get obsessive. Figuring out where to eat, with whom and how to take a homemade cheesecake into a restaurant was the next challenge. After I realized the best time for my family and friends to get together was Sunday brunch, I LET GO of the cake! Yes, it was grace, a gift – a huge birthday gift. I just Let Go of the need for a cake. Obsession lifted. My brother orchestrated a surprise fruit bowl “cake” with candles in it at the restaurant. A very sweet surprise! And I had no sugar hangover – Sweet!

Mindfulness saved me here.

Being aware of the twists and turns of obsessive thinking is central to mindful eating. Obsessive thinking is a habit, a compulsion, a reaction to external and internal stimuli. Obsession is characterized by relentless, looping patterns of thought. During an obsessive binge the object of your obsession becomes the seed around which behavior, thoughts, and reactions grow. Mindfulness helps one become aware of the patterns of thought and behavior arising from your unconscious desires.

So, how does one use mindfulness to Let Go of obsessive thinking? Start with becoming aware that you are caught in the loop of obsessive thinking. Notice that your mind has shifted into scheming and plotting how to get your obsessive prize.

Once you are aware of your thought pattern, assess the purpose or the underlying goal of your obsession. It is not the Cake! You may need to look closely through writing or meditation or talk with a trusted friend but I can almost guarantee you that your obsession is about something other than food. In the case of the birthday cake, my goal or desire was to experience a celebration and feel loved. My goal was to feel loved. Cake cannot love. People love.

And to Let Go – simply Re-Focus on your true goal. Re-focus, shift your gaze to the deeper desire. For me, it was to re-focus on my loved ones and a sense of celebration for living another year. I no longer feared lack of a cake because I was receiving my deeper desire – celebration and love.

Obsession with food can be a cover for many desires. Obsessive food episodes often cover fear. Fears about what people will think of you at the party, can spur binge eating to numb the fear. Fears about how well you’ll meet expectations of your partner, your teacher or your boss can also lead to binging to soothe the fear. When your underlying desire is for safety (or to relieve your fears), shifting your focus to your underlying need of being accepted, loved, or respected and OFF of the food, is the beginning of Letting Go of the obsession.

Awareness, Assessment, and Re-Focusing is a process that works for me to Let Go of obsession. When I find myself again caught in an obsessive loop, I can choose to breathe deeply and pause to ask the big question: “What is it I truly want?” and find greater peace in the knowledge.

JME Affirmation for the Day

I grow in awareness every day.  As I understand myself more, I grow in love and acceptance. I love, I am loving and I am loved.